


You'll never come back

by the boy who died (viv_heart)



Series: The Depressing Reality of Christmas [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Depression, Loneliness, canon character death, sad take on christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 08:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9064537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viv_heart/pseuds/the%20boy%20who%20died
Summary: Christmas isn’t merry for everyone. Let’s not pretend otherwise. Sometimes you can’t help yourself but to hate the holiday as it reminds you of all the things you have lost. But sometimes reminding yourself that you aren’t alone with your feelings helps. Stay strong. With Love, your personal GrinchDivided into 3 parts, 6 drabbles each. Warnings: Canon character death, alcoholism, depressionLast Part
You’ll never come back – The first Christmas after the loss of a loved one is the hardest. Trust me, I know.





	1. Severus 2

**Author's Note:**

> This part of the series will deal with the first Christmas after the loss of somebody close.
> 
> Enjoy and please review

Severus 2 – after Lily’s death

 

Severus was sitting in a dark empty room, all alone. His only companion was the half-full bottle of Odgen’s Firewhiskey in his hand from which he drank occasionally.

Almost two months had passed since her death. Two months since the Dark Lord’s fall at the hands of her son. Who had survived! Who had fucking survived!  
Severus drank from the bottle. He needed the alcohol. He had no idea what he would do otherwise. It was Christmas Eve. The first Christmas without Lily. Sure, they weren’t on speaking terms for a while now, but she had been alive. She had lived. And now? Now she was dead thanks to him! He hadn’t been able to save her! It was all his fault!

Severus didn’t bother to stop the tears. Nobody would see them anyway. Nobody would look for him. At least nobody who mattered. He didn’t care about Dumbledore or Lucius. They could both suck it. They didn’t matter.

The only one who mattered was Lily. And she was dead. DEAD!

Severus wished away the tears and stood up carefully. Everything was spinning. He decided to go and look at her childhood home. He knew she wouldn’t be there, but if he was lucky maybe she would. He hoped she would. He would kill to see her again. And apologise.


	2. Theo

Theo – after his mother’s death

 

Theo knew he had to get up but he really didn’t want to. He had never really liked Christmas but now he hated it. The forced cheerfulness and the masses of relatives he didn’t care for – he doubted he could do that this year. After all, the one person who had made it bearable and even fun was gone – his mother.

He really missed her. Especially on days he had always spend with her like Christmas or their birthdays. He really feared the anniversary of her death. But on the other hand – it couldn’t be worse than Christmas. He didn’t have to see anybody then.

Now he did. He would have to mingle with people who would pretend they cared and ask him how he was doing. How he was dealing with the loss. He would lie to them and tell them he was fine. They would pat him on his bag or give him a polite kiss on his cheek and move on. According to Blaise that was how it went down and Theo didn’t doubt his friend’s words. It was how the pureblood-society worked. Somebody would throw their daughter at his father not too long after they have spoken their condolences. And his father would talk to them and flatter the girl.

It was disgusting. It was so wrong. And he was a part of it.


	3. Remus 2

Remus 2 – after Sirius’ death

 

It was early morning – maybe 4 o’clock – and Remus sat in the dark kitchen of Grimmauld Place. He stared at the table, his thoughts clearly elsewhere.

Remus thought back to the first Christmas after Voldemort’s disappearance. The Christmas so different and yet so similar to the this one.

Back than he had mourned James and Lily and Peter. Back than he had been angry at Sirius, at Dumbledore and at the whole word. He had doubted Sirius was the culprit but he hadn’t been able to do anything and had coaxed himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe Sirius was guilty. He had needed to suppress the guilt that had driven him insane.

Now, fifteen years later he felt even worse. James and Lily were still dead but now Sirius was as well while Peter had been the traitor all along. Sirius had spent twelve years in Azkaban while being innocent and he, his last friend, the only one who had been sure that Sirius was innocent had done nothing. Nothing! And now there was no way to make it right. Sirius was gone! They were al lgone! And Remus would blame himself the rest of his life for not doing anything. For not saving Sirius. For never managing to save his friend and in connection Harry.

If he had done something, not only Sirius but Harry as well would have had much better lives. Hell, a lot of people would have if it wasn’t for his cowardice. For his idiocy.

He missed Sirius. He missed James. He missed Lily. Marlene, Dorcas, Fabian and Gideon, Alice and Frank… He missed them all. And he knew he had to keep going, to keep fighting for them. They would be angry with him if he didn’t. Even if it was hard. So hard. After all, he was the last one left.

Sure, there were the other Order members. But it wasn’t the same. They weren’t the friends he had grown up with. Those who knew him since forever. No. They were all dead.

The only one left from his school days was Snape of all people. Wasn’t that funny?

Remus felt like yelling, shouting, destroying. But he didn’t. It wasn’t him. That’s why he sat quietly in the dark kitchen of Grimmauld Place.


	4. Minerva

Minerva – after Sirius’ death

 

Minerva was staring out of her office-window. She stood there and watched the snow fall. Soon, she would have to go downstairs and attend the Christmas feast but there was still a little time left.

She sighed. One would believe that you get used to death after a while – when you lost enough beloved. But Minerva knew that that was a lie. She had lost too many and each and every one hurt her like hell.

She had lost her first love, her husband, friends and family and many many students. Now, she had lost the boy who had been like her son.

Minerva smiled sadly. She couldn’t count the times she had lectured Sirius and one or more of his friends in the very room she was currently standing in. She couldn’t count the times she had caught the boys running around Hogwarts in the middle of the night.

But she could remember every of their pranks, their wit and even more important – she could remember who they were before they were swallowed by the war they didn’t want.

And now, there was only Remus left. Now.. No. He had been the only one left in the past sixteen years. The night Voldemort had disappeared she and Remus had both lost them all.

Minerva hated to admit it but she did have favourites. Lily and Remus were amongst them. Hermione Granger, Oliver Wood and Charles Weasley as well. But Sirius Black… He had been more. He had been her son. The child she had never had. And she had been the mother he had always wanted. She remembered fondly the first time he accidentally called her ‘mum’.

She would never forget it. The same way she would never forget how Albus had denied him a trial. How he had sworn that it had to be Sirius. How they had fought about it. It had been the only time Albus had threatened her. She would never forgive him. Not for what he had done to Sirius.


	5. George

George – after Fred’s death

 

George felt so lost. And alone. He felt like he had lost half of his life. And maybe he did. Maybe he had lost half of his life. After all, he had lost half of himself. His twin. His beloved brother. His soulmate.

George knew that his family was waiting for him get downstairs and eat with them. To celebrate Christmas with them. But he didn’t want to. Why should he? It wouldn’t be a real Christmas. Not without Fred. It would be a farce. Their mother would cry and they would end up wailing in self-pity.

George didn’t want that. And he was sure Fred would not have wanted that either. They had been the ones to bring smiles upon people’s faces after all. Tears and pity didn’t work for them. Never had.

That’s why George felt better sitting in their own room, staring at Fred’s empty bed. It was fine if he himself was down, tired, sad. Fred would have understood. It wasn’t fine if the whole family did it. If they felt the need to pity him in addition to their own grief. Fred would have hated that. George was sure about that. That’s why he would go downstairs and pretend everything was fine. He would manage. He had to.

But it wouldn’t hurt if he stayed in their own room a little longer.

A single tear rolled down George’s cheek as he stared at his brother’s empty bed.


	6. Andromeda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this, the series is complete.

Andromeda – after the Battle of Hogwarts

 

Andromeda stood over Teddy’s bed and watched the sleeping boy with tears in her eyes. It had been a long day – his first Christmas and Andromeda had done everything possible and impossible to make it great. He wouldn’t remember, but that didn’t matter. He didn’t deserve anything less.

But now, now she was tired and could let the façade go. Teddy was asleep, Harry and their other guests gone and she could mourn in peace.

After all, it wasn’t only Teddy’s first Christmas. It was her first Christmas without her family as well. Not that Teddy wasn’t her family. But he was what was left of it. He didn’t know it yet, but his grandfather and parents had died in the war he wouldn’t remember. Andromeda was so grateful that he wouldn’t. She knew what wars did to children. Harry was the best example.

Andromeda thanked the heavens that Dora hadn’t been in his shoes. This way she had had at least a pleasant childhood even though she had fought in a war.

Andromeda doubted that she would ever get over the loss of her beloved daughter. She had died so young.

Not to talk about Ted – the man she had chosen over her family all those years ago. She missed Remus as well. He hadn’t been a part of the family for long but he had grown on her.

And now, now Teddy was all she had left. And she would protect him at any cost.


End file.
